Jeff Johnson, orphaned at a young age, was raised by a pack of rogue malamutes. Living a feral existence in the frozen tundra of Wisconsin, he barely advanced one rung in the evolutionary ladder. Jeff venomously denies to this day that he has lived in North Carolina a good portion of his conscious life.

Jeff's dream of becoming the world's highest paid lap dancer came to a tragic end when a slipped disc sidelined that career. Moving on, Jeff found success elusive in a succession of jobs including Amish Rake fighter, Disney Store Cast Member, pants inspector #4, and body chalk outliner for police. College seemed like a good step at this point, so Jeff left for Appalachian State University in Boone, North Carolina.

In college, Jeff has gone through enough Majors to qualify as a Guidence Counselor. After acting as a broke college student, Freshman Seminar teacher, and Resident Assistant, Jeff was offered a position as IT Coordinator for the Freshman Seminar Program at Appalachian State University. He, in his summer off, worked for Interactive Media as a Summer Intern. Then, a few years later, Jeff started working as the Mad Chef at a local restaurant, where he threw out his back and most of his good sense. After that, he accepted a job as a teacher at the local community college so that he could ruin the mind of America's youth.

His goals in life are to be stinking rich, become the Midnight Bomber of Apple, own the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile, and match the answer "42" up with the question of Life, the Universe, and Everything.

So Long, and thanks for all the fish. If you can find the truth in this, you're doing better than him.